Embracing all aspects of self...

I was inspired to share a story about embracing the different aspects of ourselves today.

In this mirror, I was also called to share about a horse in our herd Jet.

Jet is a horse that supported me deeply in pursuing this property.

I have shared pieces of his story before and for those that do not know, when I first found this property, or rather it found me,  there was a herd of 18 trail horses that lived here.

I had a feeling that there would be at least 4 that would stay but I didn’t know how I would make that decision.

This was before I even believed I could buy this space.

I decided to let the horses tell me and so I walked into the herd and said ok who will stay and Jet lifted his head and walked right over to me.

I felt Jet and his energy come in as I left the farm that day with doubt in my mind of how on earth I would be able to buy this property.

I was imagining myself standing at a foot of the mountain with a pack preparing myself to climb this mountain and I heard Jet’s message, silly human why would you climb when you could fly?

The idea and the encouragement I felt was that he was reminding me that I could be intentional about having the energy support me. I didn’t need to feel like I had to force or battle my way to the top.

I do believe a combination of my spiritual practices and practical steps lead me here.

So Jet has been an enforcer of self-belief and possibility. But here is another thing with Jet that I discovered.

When I brought my herd here which was 9 at the time to join the 4 that stayed, I discovered that Jet was a bully.

He was “mean” to the horses that were less dominant to him and he triggered me a lot.

It was shocking to me honestly that this magical horse had this side of his personality and I didn’t like it.

What he taught me one day, was how come I allow other horses to be who they are but not him.

I was forced to reconcile my own trigger on what his energy evoked for me.

I used to call Jet a bully, which he kinda is but lately, he has let me know he likes the mercurial better.

He is one of our boundary teachers because he is fierce about this space, he is a horse that likes affection and being in your space until he doesn’t. I always say he’s like a cat that way.

But he is who he is.

He is a dominant, self-assured, confident enforcer. He is a protector that can hold softness alongside his edges of being who he is.

Over the years, I've had to learn how to embrace all pieces of his medicine and support others to do the same.

He’s not always the most comfortable horse to be with, he pushes you in places of your discomfort, and he can be pushy with other horses, but he is who he is.

There is great medicine in him and he has taught me how to embrace the parts of myself that I also find difficult to be with.

Because here's the truth:

Most people look at me and see someone who is nurturing and compassionate. I try to be this, wise and grounded, but I can also be intense, dominant, and assertive. And lately, there has been an edge to what I feel my horses telling me to not feel guilty or to be comfortable with the shadow aspects of my personality and embrace those.

To not keep those places hidden, or feel like they don’t belong with the softness but rather appreciate it.

I grew up in an intense home, both my parents had intense energy, I was the calm one. When I went to a leadership development program 8 years ago, people told me that I was intense and I said to them, you don’t know what intense is if you think that is me.

I had a really hard time embracing that part of my nature because it wounded me as a child, and a horse like Jet has taught me about looking to the medicine of that intensity and not shying away from holding it.

I share this because, we all have parts of us or others that trigger us, that we make wrong or that make us feel uncomfortable.

Jet asked me years ago to take ownership of my own baggage around what his energy was symbolic of and to deal with it, and not project that onto him.

I realized that while I let the other horses be who they were, I wasn’t able to do the same with him.

So I worked on that, and recognized the medicine in his energy and also to be really careful on labeling him a certain way (I am still working on that). He is saying to call him mercurial instead of a bully so I will be honoring that too.

When we hold triggers about certain aspects of ourselves we are missing the medicine in them.

Jet is a sacred and profound medicine that is often called an enforcer by clients of mine, in a good way.

He is an enforcer of self-belief and fierceness, of boundaries, and of being assertive and strong when we need to be.

He is unapologetic in who he is, most horses are because they don’t hold baggage as we do.

And he has taught me to look upon elements of myself that match him the same.

Perhaps in reading this there is something that lands for you to reflect on in your own self.

What part of you can you hold through a lens of honoring the medicine there instead of rejecting it?

What aspects of yourself can you hold more sacred?

What message do you feel Jet has for you?

Where does this resonate for you?

If you feel called to share we would love to hear! 

Love your mentor and guide,
Hillary