A glimpse behind a 45k month..

I have been speaking about the space of abundance this past week and wanted to offer a reflection of my month.

And before I do, again I would like to offer that 45k is symbolic for me of something deeper, for you that might be 1k, or 5k, or 20k, or whatever number that is.

The number isn’t important and my hope in sharing this is it offers some inspiration around what can be available for us in creating abundance and we all have what that looks like for us.

June has been my best month for 9 months in my business.

And when I was coming into June I was fearful and anxious about being able to see or know how I was going to pay my bills this month.

My reality is I am self-employed, as much as I wish I had a certainty of how much cash flow I will have each month, I don’t.

I still need to create flow, I am wanting to get to a place where I do have a guarantee or have a set up where I don’t have to go into the unknown and this is where I am.

I have gotten better about being with the uncertainty and the confidence that things will flow and as I looked into June knowing I was leaving for a week on honeymoon plus taking most of another week off for my honeymoon I was anxious.

I had a belief system and one that I have worked with for many years that said I had to work hard to be successful.

I never took time off or if I did it would be once a year.

I was scared to take any time for myself in fear that my business would fall apart without my constant nurturing.

And even though I hate the word hustle I felt that this is what I would need to do and did and it didn’t feel great.

My spiral in this space took a toll on me, depletion, adrenal fatigue, getting trampled by one of my horses was my sign from the universe that if I continued to ignore my deeper wisdom, I would end up burnt out, and I would lose everything.

In the last couple of years I have put in the effort to really align myself to the knowledge that listening to my rhythms, creating spaciousness, giving myself time off and out, and creating with a greater sense of ease would create more.

And it still scares me as I bump up against that old belief system.

I have recreated my practice to include a lot of space, I create lots yes but I also have lots of space in my days and weeks for myself, my own reflection and to enjoy my space and time.

And I really leaned into this truth as it took time for me this past month to enjoy my honeymoon which I really wanted to be able to get away and not worry about my finances.

What happened was a flow of money came in, before I went away, when I was away and when I came back.

It’s not as if I didn’t put effort towards it and I really feel like the being of my alignment in that space allowed it to happen.

Spaces were filled in my Unbridled Medicine Academy, with a few pay in fulls.

My women’s retreat in July filled.

A semi-private $9000 retreat was booked.

2 small private retreats booked

2 retreat rentals came in.

It seemed as if money was flowing from every direction.

And my wish of being away for a week without having to worry came true and part of my practice over the last few years has been this.

No matter how much money I have in the bank or how much money I have flowing in can I practice the space of trust and empowerment, instead of scarcity or fear.

Because it is really easy for us to feel abundant when abundance is flowing and harder to do when we feel fear.

In the course of my months and days, there is an ebb and flow.

The reality for me is 45k is a lot, and it is, and my overhead and expenses each month waiver between 20-35k.

So I watch consistently as my money comes in and out all the time, I sometimes have big expenses I am not expected and I still have lots of debt to hold alongside my building.

This month beyond how much money flowed in was a deeper symbol for me of the work I have done to get to space within me where I have found greater ease with money.

My efforts and practice of nurturing this place of feeling is more something I am celebrating than how much and that in itself is a big deal for me.

It signals an alignment and an invitation that the things I have done internally and behind the scenes are in alignment with my path and my own progress.

This means more to me than the money I have flowing in because to me that is the true reflection of being in abundance.

My practice now is staying present with this feeling and not fearing what will happen next month or in the coming months.

Because it is so easy for me to slip into fear and anxiousness and looking at my numbers and trying to figure out how I am going to sustain or get there.

I too have to pull back and that is what I want to share my confidence doesn’t come from how much I make it comes from within.

This is not the first time I have hit these numbers and most likely won’t be my last, and my practice continues, how do I hold onto this place of being around money regardless of what next month holds.

I hope to get to a point one day where I am consistently making this each month or more, and until then I will go into each day and month with the practice.

The other truth…

I created more when I let myself let go of everything I felt I needed to hold and did less.

When I created more space, when I listened to my internal alignment, when I focused on my own energy and how to manage and hold it sacred, abundance was created.

I am someone who naturally likes to create a lot, and my writing is as much for my own process of reflection so that feels good to me.

Something I always say and offer to my clients is this.

Listen to and pay attention to your own rhythms, hold your own energy as sacred and follow your internal alignment that perhaps your fear is showing up around.

Abandoning ourselves, neglecting to tend to how we are in a relationship with flow, abundance, and money will not get you any further.

Neither will feeling like you have to work harder, and give of yourself until you are depleting.

We can be in our alignment and create abundance, in truth, this is where it comes from.

It still requires effort, I still have to do the hard things, like set boundaries, and move through my discomfort and fears, say no to things, and have the courage to create also around my own energy which doesn’t feel easy, but it works, so deeply.

My hope is in you reading this you see perhaps a path towards where this will also manifest for you.

Again the number although I know it matters a little bit because we have to support ourselves, is not what is symbolic, it is deeper, go there, and celebrate also wherever you are.

I was in times in my life equally excited about making $1000 a month, or $5000 a month than I am at 45k I promise it feels the same and we all have what feels abundant to us.

It has taken me also years to get to this place and in some ways, it is a necessity because of what it costs to hold my life and that is also not to say we cannot desire more just because we desire it.

Wherever this needed to land for you today…

Love your mentor and guide,
Hillary